I ran away

DECD3E40-089E-46E9-A9BF-2CF4CDE0E2C5What should I have done?  I was disgusted and angry but I didn’t do or say anything about it. I went into the master bedroom with the baby and closed the door. My emotions were all over the place. I was so worried for the girl. I wanted to go back out and “save” her but I was too afraid to look. I paced and contemplated and after what seeme like eternity, I emerged from the master and went into the living room to watch TV.  I sat on the love seat and she sat on the sofa, still playing with the iPhone. I kept looking over at her trying to see if I saw anything in her eyes. I wanted her to say something to me but she was focused on the iPhone.  Shortly thereafter, he comes into the living room with the blanket that was on her bed and sat right next to her so they could both look at the iPhone. I’m wondering to myself, why are you sitting so close to her? He tells me that he’s letting her watch a movie on the iPhone. That was my opportunity to ask why he’s sitting so close to her but I just couldn’t do it. He draped the blanket over both of them and I’m getting more and more uncomfortable but try to focus on the television.  I glanced over a few times and could see his hand moving. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I couldn’t believe that he was doing this right in front of me. I was livid and finally jumped up and all I could muster up to say was “UGH.”  He got up from the sofa and went in to the hall bathroom. She was still on the sofa with the blanket draped over her. I went into the master and slammed the door. What was I going to do?  What was I going to say? Why? Why? Why? I couldn’t be there, in the same house with him so I got online and purchased a one way ticket back home. I didn’t care how much it cost, I wanted out of there. None of us acknowledged or spoke of what happened that night.

The following day was awkward. There was tension between he and I but we didn’t say a word about what transpired. I looked at his wife and wondered to myself, how could she not know? If he did that in front of his own mother, he would certainly do it around her as well. This is why I didn’t say anything to her. I figured she knew but turned the other way so why bother. I wanted to talk to the girl. I wanted to hear what she had to say. While my son and his wife went to Starbucks, I sat down with the girl and asked her if her dad does things to her. She told me that he touches her all of the time but she can’t say anything because it’s their secret. She told me that he buys her candy and let’s her eat pizza so she won’t tell her mom.  I told her that what he’s doing is wrong and she needs to tell an adult at school and she won’t get in trouble.  At the time, I tried to convince myself that I did my due diligence by telling her what she should do.  I was only fooling myself. I owed it to her to confront him.



My son broke my heart

Almost three years ago, I discovered the unthinkable. Something no mother should ever have to endure.  It’s an ugly truth that I wish would go away. It’s an ugly topic that most turn a blind eye to or sweep under the rug. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my son, the situation and the repercussions.  There are many questions as to why but many of them will remain unanswered. Not only because he won’t or cannot answer them but also because there’s no concrete or scientific answer or explanation. There are theories, studies, interviews and articles on the topic but each case is different. Each offender is different. But the outcome is the same; the sexual molestation or sexual abuse of a child. Characteristics Of Child Sexual Predators