The cover up

Why did I try to cover up what he did? Why did I turn my back on the child. This is why.

My cover-up lasted about five months. When someone would ask about him, I’d say he’s really busy at his new job. When someone would ask why he’s not in pictures with the baby, my response was always along the lines that he’s working or sleeping. When Easter rolled around, my mom wondered why he didn’t call them. He would call me on a regular basis and we wrote each letters. In one of his letters he said that he made a mistake and he will fix things. This is when our communication was amicable and before “they” got into his head.

He was denied bail and was facing fourteen charges.  The charges were ugly and the state where they resided has the toughest sex offender laws.  I couldn’t face the embarrassment or the judgment and I certainly didn’t want to break my parent’s heart. I continued to lie. I continued telling half truths. I wasn’t ready to admit to my family that I validated the girl’s story from that night.  I wasn’t ready to admit that I was interviewed by detectives, CPS, SVU and the DA’s office and told them all the same thing.  I told those officials what I witnessed that unforgettable evening.

When they discovered that he was in jail, I did something stupid and I’m ashamed to admit it. I want to puke as I’m thinking back to that time. I did not tell them the truth.  Instead, my story was that the girl “claimed” that he molested her. As expected, the family was upset. They were even more upset that the story wasn’t true. Remember, I withheld the truth and blamed it all on the step-daughter. So the speculations and opinions began. The girl was very flirtatious. The girl just wants attention. Maybe her mom is behind it. Whatever it was, I went right along with it. The longer I could keep them from the knowing the truth, the better (so I thought.) I was protecting him and in doing so, I put aside what really happened.  I made her come off as a liar when the liar was me.  I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it. By doing so, I think I caused more damage than good.

We discussed his legal options. We discussed an obtaining an attorney. How crazy is that? I did and said everything to go along with them. As I write this, the memories are coming back to me and I’m shaking my head in disbelief. How? Why? What was I thinking? I did research on the Internet trying to find the best defender given his charges. I contacted two law offices and obtained information such as retainer fees and what to expect at trial.  That sounds so ludicrous now because I was so far gone that I was going to get him an attorney even though I knew what he did. I did not retain an attorney for him as I was just sub consciously going through the motions. Shortly thereafter, he was granted bail so I contacted the detention center to get his bail info. I considered bailing him out which meant I would have to put my house up as collateral. But before any of that could happen, they found out the truth and everything changed.

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